Justin Bieber Banged Chicks Behind Selena Gomez’s Back By Seducing Them With French Fries

Meet 22-year-old Milyn Jensen who claims that she’s the one responsible for Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez breaking up in December after he seduced her with large fries from McDonald’s, so no one let this kid near Britney Spears because Revelations. Via Page Six:

Jensen, 22, told the paper that she was introduced to the 19-year-old Bieber by his best friend, rapper Lil Twist, at a Los Angeles nightclub on Dec. 21. When the party was over, she said Bieber took her, her best friend and Twist in his custom SUV to a nearby McDonald’s. Bieber got “two double cheeseburgers for himself” and he bought his lovely date “some large fries.”
She must have been lovin’ it, because after stops at an alleged marijuana store and his $4.5 million LA home, Jensen says she and Bieber were getting it on in his Beverly Hills Four Seasons luxury penthouse suite – which he had decked out with white roses for their arrival.
“He offered me a drink,” Jensen said. … “I’d only taken two sips before we started messing around. Suddenly we were kissing and I started to take off my clothes, it was a natural thing. Justin knew what he was doing like a man much older than his years. I felt like he’d had a lesson or two.”

Okay, whoa whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there, Miss Oh, By The Way, I’m On The New Season of Bad Girls Club: Miami. There’s no fucking way *any* of this happened. For starters, Tiger Woods is a billionaire and even he had to spring for at least a $5 Footlong before making a woman pull her tampon out in a Subway parking lot. Second, “Justin knew what he was doing like a man much older than his years.” AHAHAHA! Seriously? Everyone knows Justin Bieber bangs you for 30 seconds then completely destroys you in the press if you try to make him pay child support. Although, he will cry tenderly during those 30 seconds. I’ll give you that.